For some this is one of the more challenging passages in Romans. As Paul is writing there is little doubt about the actions that are not part of how God desires humans to participate in. Lists like this can be a very dangerous thing as we can get hyper-focused on one or two items. The other danger is to think the list is an exhaustive list. A third danger is to think the passage is about the list of things not to do.
C.S. Lewis in The Great Divorce, says that there are two types of people those who say to God thy will be done and those to whom God says, thy will be done. This passage in Romans illustrates what it looks like when someone accepts God's offer of our will be done. Broken lives and relationships result.
When we only pursue our desires, not God's desires or our spouses desires, failure is a high bet for a marriage. Along the way God attempts to show us the best way to live in a marital relationship, however if we run through enough stop signs, God will eventually give us over to our own desires. This is when the lists of Romans come into play.
A marriage that has been given over to its own desires is filled with strife, contention, gossip and mistreatment of each other. Some of the greatest pleasures of marriage like sex are even corrupted and no longer the gift God intended. All of this because we no longer lived for God's desires but our own.
To cultivate a healthy marriage we must constantly be checking on whose will we are pursuing. God will lead us if we allow, this is the idea as God as Lord. On the flip side, God will also leave us to our own desires if we are not willing to live for God. In a culture that seems intent on following its own desire, following God will stand out. You will possibly be ridiculed for it. Yet, you will experience the fullness that God desires for your marriage.
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